Words don’t come today

Well actually that’s not true

Lots of words have come today, but none of them feel like the “right” words

—-

I have the usual chaos in my head this morning.

It starts when I wake up,

I Delayed it a little,

Talked to a friend 

Shared our morning coffee views from across state lines

Then I sat down by my usual window and I said, 

“I’ll just write until I get something decent”

I have to ask though

What is decent writing?

Is it based off how many people it resonates with?

Is it based off how accurately my syntax conveys my ideas?

Is a post to be valued by how much catharsis it grants its creator or its readers?

——-

This spiral leads me, once again, to the truth that so often gets hidden under the layers of intellectual posturing and ego stroking that I seem to be so fond of.

The truth that I come to is as follows:

I’m 2 hours deep into a post that no one will read, that grants absolutely no monetary compensation, and that reveals the depth of insecurity, fear, and neurosis that I hide everyday.

So, why is a rational individual such as myself writing all this?

I’m writing this because there’s not many things I can really control in my life. The one choice that I’m finding I make each day, is whether or not to let myself feel.

And right now, writing this is helping me feel.

I hope that reading these posts will allow you to do the same.

YOU MATTER