An exploration of fear would be incomplete without a brief note on hope.

My theory, developed primarily in the back of a French cafe run by a turtleneck wearing English major and a self described “spiritual carpenter”….

Is as follows:

hope is what I fear more than anything else

I can stomach the pain and anger and lust and confusion and madness

But the moment I feel hope rise up inside me

That’s when I start to devolve

I lose the coping skills, I lose the confidence, I lose the security and direction of my life

Tremors run through my hands and my walls crack and it’s terrifying

And I’m at sea again

It’s not a way I like to live

But most days I’d rather wither away in the life raft

Then throw myself into the frigid water

And try to swim to a distant shore

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*enter the alchemist by Paulo coehlo*

Our young hero is wandering

He left seminary and is a Shephard now

In love with a girl from Andalusia

He meets the king of Salem

and they talk:

“What’s the worlds greatest lie?” the boy asked,

“It’s this: that at a certain point in our lives, we lose control of what’s happening to us, and our lives become controlled by fate. That’s the worlds greatest lie.”

Not sure how to end this one

So I won’t.

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