Read while listening to, “control” by HALSEY

~~~~~

Control.

I’m terrified of being controlled

But I NEED to control everyone

And everything else

Because my way is the only way

Because if my hands aren’t wrapped tightly around him or her or they or them

Then i don’t know what the hell im supposed to do or feel or say

BECAUSE

People give me so much

More than I could ever ask

And I am so dam grateful

But I always want more

Need more

Crave more

Because the problem is

I want all of them

All of them.

I need them to say there still with me

That I still matter

Because my head tells me

——

Your a pen

For there page

To write novels about someone worth more

Who doesn’t live with screaming

Who doesn’t change like the fucking weather

And when they finish writing

They’ll realize

Your ink is a little too dark

Your lines are a little to jagged

Your weight is more than they care to hold

If you had just been a little smoother

A little brighter

Had a few less fractures and cracks…

Maybe then

You wouldn’t be alone.

******************* alright so at this point I have no readers, so I’m not rly tripping about posting some weird shit that doesn’t make sense and my “editing” is basically non existent.

SO

Here you have it internet,

These are the self soothing, self-indulegent, frantic, dull aching throbs that visit me around 130 am once in a while.

YOU MATTER