Fear crawls into my bones. You enjoy my company. You actually want to see me.

Ive been working on realistic self-image recently. But most days I feel moody and worthless.

I cringe when you say you want to see me again. It just doesn’t click for me. If I am so dam worthless and pathetic, why do people like you want anything to do with me?

I understand it on a clinical level: I engage with a core belief that I am undeserving of affection or intimacy, so their is cognitive dissonance when I am treated in a way that conflicts with my core belief. My heart hasn’t gotten the memo though. It’s on fire when I see you in my mind.

You’re older and wiser. You’re wicked smart, your eyes light up when you’re with kids. You’re art. The voices in the cell say burn the bridge, block the number, spiral.

those voices don’t own me anymore though.

So I’ll see you soon friend.