I want to be more.

I want to do what I know I can.

I see this cycle Im in. I see where it ends.

Never trying cus im fucking terrified of failing.

Wake up terrified, sleepwalk into the chaos, spend the day cleaning the same room again and again.

Only way to feel some type of control.

My mind is on somebody else’s team.

Play a guitar but hate it the whole time.
It’s this box I crawled inside when I was a kid cus I wanted to hide.

It’s safe and I love it. Problem is it’s really a grave.

Crawled inside when I was young and now im stuck. The exit signs all rotted away and the doors rusted shut.
The worst years pushed me against the wall.

further and further into the coffin I made.

Pretending I wasn’t me anymore to get through each day.
Now I see that hope.

Im stuck though.

Hope is the devil.

And it’s also the only way I make it out.

I sit at this computer everyday and hate every line. So what keeps me coming back?