this is the big year. first big year in a while. 18 and 21 and 25 rolled by.

now its 27’s turn.

I remember that poster pressed against my math teachers door. all the legends who fell into the 27 club.

anyways, Im here now and im not tryna get into any new clubs.

maybe just the club of people who dont hurt themselves for another year.

so whats this thing gonna take?

more music, more counseling, more journaling.

less shame spirals, more honest feelings

more sadness, some type of joy, more laughter, more anger, more grattitude, more peace, more acceptance, more resilience more crying more screaming.

more of all these emotions i couldnt handle before.

more buildling a relationship with that thing in me that comes out sometimes.

more letting it be fucked up and scare me a little.

more telling it i understand why it is the way it is. more thanking it for taking over when my mind couldnt handle the fire.

more finding ways to bring the kid out, let him laugh and walk and smile and live the life he never got